what a weekend.

whew. i guess things are resolved now, and i'm glad.

that "fog" has cleared up now. i'm glad about the choices i've made.

i know this prolly isn't the last thing i would ever stress about for my cotillion-- there's a lot more of that to come (oh boy) but hopefully they won't be as bad

the three day weekend of heck is almost over. homework time ): lol

distress of stress (if that makes sense)

in my last blog, i said that a lot of times i feel like i want to cry because of all this stress. and yup, i cried.


yesterday, saturday, was the most shitty day ever. it takes me this much to make me cuss. i think many people know why, and it might feel a little wrong that i'm blasting this on here, but expressing how i feel is what a blog is for.

i am angry, sad, frustrated, and disappointed.

i must say that the extra stress that has been put upon me is very uncalled for, and i really don't need it. i really never thought in a million years that i would have to go through this, but because of what happened yesterday, i have no more room to be patient about all this anymore.

i've tried so many times to be patient with everything, but yesterday was my boiling point, as it probably was for certain people.

i've mentioned so many times how appreciative i am of everything but i feel like i don't get any appreciation back. i feel highly disrespected, and so does my mom.

there were sooooooo many times when things went wrong with cotillion practices, and my mom would warn me or complain about something, but then i always end up defending someone in my court. but this time i have no reason to defend anymore. my mom is right, and i feel really sorry to say that. i have mixed feelings about everything.

honestly, i don't know where we're going with this right now.. i hope we stay friends, but

i didn't know you were gonna hurt me like that.

i hope so

oh geez it's been too long lol

my eyes hurt a lot right now but i feel like blogging cuz even tho my eyes hurt, i'm hecka awake and bored.

i don't really feel like catching up on things lol cuz i take way too long putting it up here but whenever something comes up then yeah.

but real quick i should mention lol this week was the new semester which means YAY CHOIR AGAIN! and 'aw no more creative writing class' (and no more spanish either) ):

i miss creative writing lol it was such a chill class and everyone was lovely. i loved going into class everyday and just being random and having like not too much hw lol and just being with the people. and my teacher mr. kerr was cool too.

on that note lol here's a video i made of the class






oh yeah and i've been singing at cafes! lol i love singing at cafes.




at the next cafe show we do, i'm gonna jam with my homie ian lolll it'll be a surprise, sure. ian's in his lil band thing called A New Hope. check em out (: "Her" is my favorite song, if you ask me.



anyways so today was practice and it was fun. i like practices because i get to be with my friends and we get to kick it more than usual on the weekends (well, i do) and yeah. it makes me happy to see all my closest friends with me together, especially because not everyone initially got along, but i guess they're cool with each other now? i ain't know lol






but a lot of it was stressful too. i lost my voice more because of it. i hope it comes back tomorrow!

in the morning we went to newark to get fitted for the dresses. i rode with brian and christine while everyone else was in sergio's car. it was really nice of him to drive us because he didn't need to be there. and yeah i didn't even ask him to drive everyone, nguyet just brought it up like the night before and yeah. maybe he's bored in the morning lol iono jk

we got there by 11:50am, and the business card fot the store said they open at 11. but when we got there it was closed cuz there was new business hours (the store opens at 12 now.) so my mom called the lady Lolita and she was nice enough to rush there cuz we were waiting.

when we were waiting for the lady to come and open the store christine was tryna teach me this dance (that i can't even dance lol) and then yeah some people were hungry and stuff. i told sergio and them they could eat first if they want. sergio was mean because i was saying iloveyou!!! and stuff and he was like "go away" and what not. i know he's kidding but at the same time geeeez he does that all the time. we're like bro and sis i guess. we annoy each other. but theres times when i'm serious and he doesn't take me cereally.. i don't like it. i actually feel like the older sister sometimes because yeah. i try to be cool with whatever but then there's a lot of times when it's like what i say doesn't matter. i try to include him in practices cuz i feel really bad that marjorie's not always here for practices. i get that he might be impatient about her not being there, but i get really impatient sometimes too yah know..

today i got really upset when i came from the kitchen at practice today into the garage and everyone was looking at porn on my laptop. that wasn't funny.. usually i'd be like ha haaaaaaaaa or whatever but dude. it's my house. if u wanna look at porn, do that at some other place, not my house. i felt really disrespected, i have to be straight up about that. i'm hearing different things about what happened and who started it.. but i'm choosing to believe one person because i really trust her. when i asked sergio why he did what he did he denied everything and i guess i got too mad.. thing is though is that he still lied to me and said he had nothing to do with it. um yeah i don't buy that, sorry. and like he does so much for me, but still, what he did was innappropriate.. i just got really frustrated after that, especially after he said "fuck this" and left.

marjorie and natalie are coming over tomorrow to practice and to go with me to newark for the dress fittings. can't wait to see marjorie again. i just wish i saw her everyweek and that she and natalie come to every single practice, because we really do need everyone everytime. i want them to be here (and it's super hard since they're so far), and this doesn't just apply to the two of them..

not everyone has been attending practice. well, the girls at least. i'm surprised it's the girls not showing up, and that the guys are usually here. but still, my cotillion's coming up and i cereally need everyone -_- we've really only had like one practice with EVERYONEEEE here together. lol and um that's not good.

what's hard for me is when i'm told that they have 'something to do' on the day we have practice. it's hard for me not to be lenient omg lol. ugh. but maaaan. i need the practices actually part of their schedule ):

everyone's been doing a good job catching up though, it's just the group parts that needs. work.

i'm honestly not having as much fun in cotillion practices as much as i thought i would. i really wanna cry a lot of times cuz i'm so frikkin stressed about it, but i try to convince myself it'll all be worth it in the end. i really hope so.

Happy (Day After) Thanksgiving!

OH EM to the freakin GEEEE


i haven't written in here in forever lolll. i missed blogging haha.

i haven't had enough time with calculus crap in my way and college applications ruining my free time lol.

well some pretty interesting and amazing things happened in the past, what, 26 days? lol. but i can't remember too much of the order or anything, so i'll just write whatever comes to mind.

oh yeah so like we got a new president-elect BARACK OBAMA! yeeeeee. let's hope what he says is true. i hope he turns out to be a REALLY good president. lol i'm hecka late in stating this in a blog. i'm probably the last one in the whole world to blog about that.

anyways, so yeah it's pretty cool to think that i was alive when that kinda history was made. lol because most of the history i learn about is when i wasn't even born yet lol. so yeah our kids will read their history books in class and they'll see "On November 4, 2008, Barack Obama was elected as the first African-American president." lolll or something like that.

ANYWAYS since that news is kinda old already, i'm moving on to the next subject lol.

dude.. gas prices!!!!!!! i saw on a sign that the price was $1.89! LOL THAT'S SO WEIRD. it hasn't been that cheap since like the earlier 2000s! lol

okay enough about politics. this blog is about me me ememmemememememmememee, not america. lol jk

i'm eating cheerios at the moment. yum

okay anywhoo so like i FINALLY started having cotillion practice. oh man it's such a relief to know that we got stuff done. hahaha. my birthday's coming up in march (march 1), so i don't have too much time, but eh, my mom's helping of course.

my court comes over every week and we dance in my garage hahaaha. it's fun, but it's reallly stressful. i don't think they understand how stressed i am with this lol. it's really hard to get everyoneeeee together, and i really reallly REALLY need everybody to attend the practices. because of someone's missing, someone is dancing with no partner. (marjorie and natalie's not coming to the last two practices was my fault though O_O i thought i told them about practice already. ugh i'm horrible.)

i'm a very easygoing person, but i know that sometimes i can't be lenient anymore. i hate asking for people's time, but this isn't really an exception for me to let them do w/e. man sometimes being too nice is hard lol

& dude. i'm cheographing (sp again?) all the dances. ugh wtheck dude lol i don't even dance that much. and the birthday girl's not sposed to do all the work ):< really seems like forever when it comes to not seeing each other. i'm really happy when i'm with marjorie. she never makes me mad or sad lol iono how she does it. kay so. what else. lol. oh, duh hahahahaha it was thanksgiving yesterday! (:
it was a very good day. i loved yesterday. i ate and didn't care about my weight lol and i played with the new puppy!!!! her name is claire. she's a golden retreiver. she got her name from Heroes' Claire Bennet cuz she's blonde lol. now that i think about it, her name coulda been Bennet. lol it sounds more doggy. but oh well, the name Claire is still pretty. and she's CUTEEEEEE! i love playing with claire.

man so everybody in the whole freaking nation went black friday shopping cept me. hahaha. ugh no tengo dinero. i spent it all last week. NOT SMART of me at all lol. i think it's kinda silly that the sales are in like 4 in the morning. lolll i remember when stores made it at like 6 AM. and some were 5AM. and this year, most stores are doing 4 AM. wtfudge lolll.

koit 96.5 is playing christmas songs now! dang dude it makes me realize how close christmas is! i love christmas. lol i love new year. i love the whole holiday season. you could keep warm at home with the people you love. you could cuddle with yo lovahhh. loll. now that i think about it, i've never had a boyfriend during the winter. hmm. lol.. so that means no cuddling with a lovahh or exchanging gifts with a lovahhh for me. aha.

anyyyyyyyyyyyyways.. i deleted my mariah carey youtube video hahah. it was getting annoying because the video wasn't always playing, and because, believe it or not, i've gotten messages on youtube telling me like "DiD y0U kn0 uR ToUCh maH b0Dy viDe0 D0n`T w0RKK??" LOL that typing is annoying. and yeah i sang the song ugly anyway so woohoo it's deleted lol it had more than 7,000 views though. that was cool lol

my right hand is itchy. my mom told me that it means i'm gonna get money soon. (why now???? black friday is like. over!) haha. oh man i hope i do get money ahahah

well time to go to my grandma and grandpa's for lunch! lol it's the "aftershock" of the thanksgiving party. we do that everytime we have a party hahah we throw another get together and finish the leftovers from the night before.

byebyeeee

i'll add more details and stuff later if i remember anything else.

go back in time

it's daylight's savings time! so it would actually be 2:28 AM right now haha. one hour back, woohoooo.

so i suddenly feel less tired lol because of that. how weird.

but then i feel like i'm gonna be sick! ugh i'm scared! my throat feels sore and my nose is kinda runny

ugh i think it's because i danced in the rain today... lol (:

that made my day though. this week the weather has been veryyyyyy rainy. i used to hate rain but i think i love it now. i don't know. i think it's because we haven't had rain in sooo long.

but yeah i sang and danced in the rain hahaha sounds so broadway-corny but hey it was fun lol

so like today i was supposed to go to kenny's birthday party, but he ditched his own party (before it even started). so i was like wtheck?? he went to crash someone else's party. why he gotta do that though? i mean like they live across the street from each other or something like that, but then dude. c'mon now. at least give a heads up, especially after i asked many times if his party is still gonna happen.

so i was at home the wholeeeeeee day except for when i went to church. ugh i wanted to go out man. i haven't in awhile. i noticed that nobody invites me to things anymore lol. i think i noticed that already but yeah i let it go. but dang freal tho i coulda been out! i don't care about how the weather may be lol

so hmmm this week has been busy-ish? went by quickly though.

last week on friday it was halloween! lol i had two costumes on accident. on thursday at the october thirty fest, i was a fairy princess. i was gonna wear it the next day to school on friday, but i thought it was gonna rain be hecka cold, and i didn't want to wear the dress from my costume. so when i was deciding what to wear that morning, i thought: hey! why not just stay in my PJ's? hahaaa so i was a baby in pajamas i guess lol i brought my snoopy stuffed toy, put my hair in pig tails, and put on some freckles. the freckles kinda looked like popped pimples in pictures lollll -_- but oh well. i napped instead of trick or treating hahaa i think my costume suited what i was doing very well.

october thirty fest was fun. i volunteered for the Drama club... sorta. lol. (=0

i spent a lot of the time there with karissa's cute little sister! we kinda matched costumes hahaa
so many people asked if she was my sister, and those that knew i didn't have a sister thought she was my cousin lol. i felt sort of bad because karissa wasn't with her instead, so i kept taking her back to karissa. lol then the 4-year-old ran to me o_o lol that was cute though. makes me want a sister. well actually i think i'd prefer having a little little brother haha. i wanna be daddy's only girl lol jk

so lately i've been reallly planning my cotillion and it's so stressful because i can't even find a place to hold it. and also i haven't contacted all the people i chose for my court yet =x
i am veryyyy late with planning >.<

i'm wondering how it's all going to turn out because like i said before, maybe not everybody will get along? and yeah i really hope everyone can make it to practices. my mom told me i would have to make every practice mandatory because if i hire a cheographer she doesn't want to be paying him for teaching the dance to only some of us or else it'd be a waste of moolah.

my theme colors are pinkish, gold, and brown. i'm not sure about the theme yet, maybe bows or hello kitty. or both since hello kitty has bows.

okay welp my head has been bothering me since 12 hours ago. i think i really am gonna be sick =((((((

i'll put up pictures later lol i'm too lazy. come back later kthanksbye.

!$@83L'z a HYPEBEAST

So like i should be finishing spanish hw right now but eh. i'll do that later lol

i feel like bloggin mah noggin

lol that was lame.


anyways so what did i do today.

oh man i'm gonna tell you right off the bat, today was pretty depressing. do i hide it well? eh depends on the person that knows about alla my crap haha but yeeeeah... )=

so it all started in 2nd block when we did these poems.

we had to write our poems based on what we saw in ink blob stuff that psychologists use.

my teacher mr. kerr said that what we see kinda tells us about who we are or how we're feeling.


ugh everyone saw something happy, like a man on a pogo stick, or a penguin leaning against a pole, but i saw a lonely girl.

ugh dude that hecka sucked because i couldn't see the pogo stick or the penguin or anything else. i kept seeing that freaking girl. ugh.

so i had to write a poem about it and he made us read ours out loud in front of the class.

i read that and the whole room was silent. man that was uber weird. even the teacher was quiet! like he looked like he didn't know what to say.

dude my writings in that class have been pretty sad. i like, need to stop doing that. in the beginning of this year all my stuff was happy. i wrote happy random little stories lol but lately they've been all emo and crap. gaaaaaaaah

so anyways yeah the rest of the day was just okay. i was a hypebeast today lol jk. i just wore one of those scarves and yeah. and i wore my new flats but they kinda hurt my feet! but oh well they're pretty lol

so today i asked sirek if he could be my escort for my cotillion and he said yes. i was kinda happy/relieved because he was my first choice. i thought he was gonna say something like "i'll think about it" or just "nahhh" or something lol. i didn't know if he would really want to be my escort because we kinda drifted =/ but thing is he's like one of my closest guy friends and yeah

oh yeah and man dude i don't even know if i'm gonna have a cotillion anymore because it's so hard to find a place. ugh i hope i do though. i'm only 18 once.

so i've been planning who's gonna be in my court. i didn't really tell them that i chose them yet lol. and i realized that some people don't like others dude.. man that's the thing when it comes to me, because i'm friends with all of them and some of them dislike each other. i hope they learn to deal with it though. like i hope they do it just for me? lol iono. but then yeah dang i didn't realize until a while ago that not all of them get along. aiiiiya.

dude i just realized that senior files is due soon. i didn't even tell my mom and dad about it. oh shooooot lol oh well. i don't even know how it goes! like do we just put it on a paper and give it to the yearbook? or do we just write w/e and give it to them? confuuuuuuuuuuuusing!

OKAY well time to sleep lol i'm really tired. ugh it's 1AM already.

gnight (=

NO MORE MIDTERMS! no more friends?

YESSSSSSSS.

FINALS IS OVER. well, midterms, that is.

last time i checked i had an A in all my classes (except calculus -_- ). and then i found out i had a B+ in government. i needed 1% to get an A-! i hope i got it after the exam.

it was all pretty easy, except calculus. ugh that murders everything.

*sigh* i haven't written in a week. dang. lol i started writing everyday, then every other day, every week!

hm. i'll try to recap. lol basically each day was the same. for like two days i was part of the study group we had in calculus at john's house. it was fun and i learned a lot (things i should have already known). like a bunch of ways to figure out the math and blah blah blah yeah. lol

the night before finals, we all studied and stuff. lol the reason why i say "and stuff" is because some of us (especially me) was distracted. -_- everyone was stressed toward the end of the night, so john played some guitar and i sang! ahhaha. it was cool. then i was like omg let's record it. so we did (:




so lately i haven't been totally focused.. more focused than before, but just not enough. i still keep thinking. of stuff. i went on a myspace diet lol so that was good. it didn't even feel like i was off myspace for a week. it felt like two days. haha.

so anyways what important things did i do this week besides finals?

-senior portraits
-kick it with cousins
-cindy's house

SENIOR PORTRAIIIITS.. ugh i wasn't satisfied with the way my hair turned out )= it looked kind of uneven. and I SMILED WRONG! ugh. i think i lost my smile. sounds emo but i noticed that i've been smiling differently. well i smiled with my dimples closer to my mouth instead of my dimples on my cheeks. so i look fat with a double chin but it's whatever. i wore a hello kitty necklace(= i always planned on doing that, so yeah. yay. i had makeup on, which i disliked, because i felt like there was a pound of stuff on my face lol i couldn't rub my eyes or anything because of my eye makeup. my mom did my makeup, it actually turned out nice, i have to admit, but then i just don't like makeup so much because i don't look like me really. also because it's soooo time consuming to put it on. and omg it took me FOREVER to take it off!! ugh i don't know how to remove eyemakeup lol i put vaseline all over my eyelids to wipe off (because it safely removes makeup), but then it wouldn't go away for some reason! so yeah i just washed my face with soap and water, but then soap got in my eyes. x_X

anywaaaays. what else did i do? well yesterday my dad bought me two new pairs of shoes woohoo. boots and flats. the flats are nice but ugh i think they're sorta tight =/ lol i don't think i would be able to fit them next year if my feet get bigger. but i can't return them cuz they were on sale )=

after that, my brother and i were going to corvallis to pick up my little cousin from school. it's right across the street from my house, so we walked. the crossguard juan blew the whistle and held up his STOP sign hahaha and held out his hand for high fives. dang he's been a crossguard there for hecka years, even when i went to corvallis! i felt like a kid again for a quick moment when i gave him a highfive and crossed the street. man i miss elementary.

so i went to the classroom and she has the same teacher i had in first grade. ms. viera looks the same haha she never ages, it's weird. but then again, she's not even old. probably 30 years old or something, iono.

my little cousin was the last one in the classroom still coloring her pumpkin drawing. hahaha she's always the last one to finish. i think it's because she talks too much in class. that kid.

that night they were having a Halloween carnival! I miss those! they were hecka fun haha. then i wondered if ACE was volunteering for it, because i don't remember getting an email about it. I would have totally volunteered since it's just across the street from home. oh but i didn't have a halloween costume anyway ): i wonder what i'm gonna be for halloween.


after that she was done coloring, her dad picked her up at my house and my older cousin joseph and mya came over. it was fun because we went to target and stuff and ate at his house for dinner. my aunt cooks the second best dinners (my mom cooks the first best heheh). it was so good lol. then we ate birthdaycake icecream that we got from pak 'n save and played scrabble. after that, we played mario party (???) on the wii at my house. my cousins slept over. shawn and kuya joseph then played like lazer tag. i dont know if it was lazer tag, cuz shawn hasn't used it in a long time haha but it wassomething with the toy guns, and they played in the dark. and i stayed on the computer and slept at around 6am. yeeeeahp. i couldn't sleep.

so today was fun because i went to cindy's house! we were supposed to go to sharon's birthday BBQ but it was too late, so we just stayed at her house and worked on our TLG senior file. and we also ate and ate and ate hahah and played with her webcam. OH and we visited justin hahah surprise visit (= hope he didn't get mad hahah it was really a surprise, but yeah his house is so nice dude omggggggggggggggg rich person.


when cindy and i were making the TLG senior files, we went through so many old pictures haha. it sucks because most of the pictures we put on the page are kind of old, because we weren't always that close.. i wish we were though because that would have been nice. all five of us.

when i was younger, like in 4th and 5th grade, my closest friends were marjorie, deborah, lindsey, jacquie, and janice. sort of rylee too haha but she was mostly with deborah. man we were all soooo close, we were like a lil group back in the day. i always thought we were gonna be like "best friends forever" lol like in the movies. i thought we'd grow up together, through middle school and high school, and then catch up after college. i really thought it'd be like that. but ever since marjorie left, we all drifted and things weren't the same, especially since we were in middle school by the time. we all got new friends and drifted, well i still stayed close with marjorie of course, and then lindsey and jacquie and i were still close, but it just wasn't the same. then at around 8th grade jacquie wanted to be with other people or something, and lindsey and i drifted. it's sad because i hoped we would all be close for a long long time. i think i'm the only one that's still kinda bummed about it. i need to grow up.

it's just that i've always wanted to be close to a group of people and bond with them, yah know? like sisterhood traveling pants or whatever lol. that kinda thing. it's nice to just kick it with the ones that know you best. i'm just bummed that i don't have that. TLG coulda been it, but we never clicked, to be honest. it was all separate.

cindy, michelle, daphne and jenn know what i'm talking about.



it'd be cool to have a group of friends i could just bond with all the time when i get older though, like in Friends. haha a grownup group. that'd be nice (=


next subject. haha.
when i went home i was so bored omg lol so far since i came home i stayed on the laptop. and that was about two hours ago. i need a life man

hopefully mañana is great! even though i have nothing to do ):